What is selfishness in a relationship

Related Items relationship signs of toxic relationship signs of unhealthy relationship signs partner is taking advantage of you signs your partner is using you.

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Search for therapist. All Rights Reserved. By Sylvia Smith , Expert Blogger. Share on Facebook. Share on Twitter. Share on Pintrest. Share on Whatsapp. In This Article. Share this article on Share on Facebook. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Sylvia Smith Expert Blogger. Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom.

As a writer at Marriage. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. More On This Topic. Because you know that this is a trait you have yourself and do not like , you accuse your partner of being self-centered and not meeting your needs.

Accusing your partner or playing blame games seldom helps in a relationship. This is a surefire recipe to let any relationship go downhill.

What is selfish love? How is it different from honoring your own needs? Being a bit selfish in love is not necessarily a bad thing. You do not always want to disrespect your needs, your beliefs, your convictions. But that is not the type of selfish love we are examining here. When a person finds themselves reflected in any of the twenty signs of selfishness outlined above, this can destroy your relationship. If the relationship is important to you, if you truly do love your partner, you will need to change if at all you are being selfish in the relationship.

You can work on active listening with a therapist or by reading some techniques on the internet. The point is to tune into your partner when they are speaking and really hear and acknowledge what they are sharing with you. In love, there is no competition. Let your partner bask in the glory of their recent promotion or prize. Tell them how happy you are for them.

Celebrate their achievements just like your own! While this action is not directly related to your relationship, the selflessness you exhibit when you volunteer in your community will spill over to your love life, making you a better, more generous person and your partner a happier one.

To go from selfish to caring, learn to practice empathy. If your partner is describing a difficult situation they are experiencing, put yourself in their shoes in order to see it from their point of view. Imagine what they are feeling! Overcoming selfishness in relationships requires changing some habits, some of which may be deeply ingrained.

Of course, there is no magical solution to expedite this process. Nonetheless, it has been time and again reiterated that if you consider your relationship with your partner above everything else, you must do the needful to maintain the relationship if you truly love them.

Relationships are hard work. All this might sound a bit of work, but eventually, you will reap the benefits that entail a happy and a fulfilling relationship. Take Course. No, there are no types of selfishness, one is either acting for one's own good on principle or one does not.

To settle for a life without a goal, without love and without self esteem only to boss around others to get oneself a beer is not selfish at all, it is to give up values and to give up life.

Though this is what people mix together with a person who seeks to make a profit from a job he loves. The two are not types of the same thing, one is selfish behavior and the other is destructive behavior. This post only discusses selfishness in relationships, not selfishness in general. In general, selfishness is acting according to the principle that the beneficiary of one's actions is oneself: One considers what is good for one and then acts on it with the goal of benefiting oneself.

Valuing other human beings and acting on it is no different in this context than valuing a car and taking it to special cleaning. Does that make one a selfless slave to the car? That's ridiculous. One is selfish by taking care of one's beloved car, and the same goes for relationships between humans. Ok, so I stumbled across this page with great interest.

My ex and I separated three months ago and the main part of the reason being that he wanted to move to America to pursue a career in bodybuilding.

He said that he was going, without me or not. We were together for three and a bit years, we had started dating young. He expected me to leave my family, friends, career and go over to America with him for him to pursue his dream.

It was all about him. He was happy for me to work at an ice cream shop! Not only was he like this but our relationship always revolved around ultimatums and I would give in just to save an argument. Not a health relationship at all? Who knew it would be so easy to snag a boyfriend if you had a common interest! I can see it all falling apart as they have already moved in together after a month who knows somebody after a month?

But that is a different story altogether and frankly none of my concern. In my view, my ex is the definition of a selfish human being. Hey Hannah. I don't know your ex well enough to talk about his personality, but it does not sound to me like he was selfish in his relationship with you.

I know he fits the common understanding of 'selfishness' but really, I think you are the rationally selfish one. Seems to me, you are the one who is after a relationship that is more profound and satisfying.

Anyway, best of luck to you. I hope you'll develop a good career in whatever you decide to do. I think the article is needlessly circular - taking an eight mile hike to arrive just one block away. Selfishness is measured by the parity of motive. There is nothing trivial or common sense about this topic given our culture's concept of selfishness today. But please feel free to explain what you meant by "parity of motive".

I might have to agree with ProformanceDJ on this one. I think what he meant was 'purity of motive' and parity was just a typo. I think what you're doing on this blog is interesting but nevertheless quite simple. You are proving that selfishness is inextricable to human beings. That in every little thing we do there is a desire to achieve our own happiness and that that is selfish.

There is no discussion on the morality of selfishness and whether it is inherently a problem and what problem's it can bring to us. You say that a man who is doing drugs is not acting selfishly because he is not doing what would make him happy. He is simply drifting through life and letting bad emotions of self-pity, boredom, anger, jealousy perhaps - rule his life. So this is not a man that acts selfishly according to what I've read in your blog. You see the problem here is that there is no moral standard in perceiving selfishness as one's desire to be happy.

Since many peopel do things that bring them pain which they believe are actually making them happy. Selfisness is a negative word because it was meant to describe a kind of person or a state of mind that is not interested in the well being of others.

A person who robs, kills, rapes may very well believe they are pursuing their own happiness - despite them not caring about how their actions affect the lives of those around them. Therefore, I don't think you can simply selfishness the way you have here in such an elementary and uninvolved way. You are making it far too simple.

If being selfish was just about pursuing our own happiness - then the world would be a very happy place because most people are quite selfish. But it's not a happy place. And your definition of selfishness does not help us understand why. Hey Sarah, interesting comment.